We Did the Hokey Pokey

We went roller-skating yesterday at Skateland on Hull Street. Boy, did that bring back memories--most of them good! I couldn't remember if the music had been that loud when I was young, though. Probably was.

My girls each skated with a friend. It was a pleasure to see so many kids there, about equal numbers of boys and girls, and to see teens sharing the rink graciously with little ones as young as 3 or 4.

Cell phones and the Two-Way Street of Trust

The new issue of Parenting arrived in the office yesterday and as I browsed through, I noticed the results of a reader poll the magazine had done: "Is it okay for kids under 12 to have cell phones?"

On the "yes" side, one reader had written that her children know the three specific circumstances under which they may use their phones and they don't use them otherwise. On the "no" side, another reader wrote that kids "can't be trusted" with cell phones. She didn't specifically say her kids couldn't be trusted, so it sounded like she meant any kid under 12.

I wondered if this second mother had really thought about whether children are trustworthy--with cell phones or anything else. It seemed as if she had made up her mind about what kids can and can't do, without testing her opinions.

Later, I thought about how the phrase, "can't be trusted" says just as much about the person using those words as it says about the person from whom the trust is being withheld. We speak of "earning" someone's trust, as if one person is doing all the work, but really it's a two-person job. Sometimes it takes effort--or maybe vulnerability--to trust even a sure bet. It's possible that if parents think they can't trust their children, the problem is with them rather than the kids.

I like the attitude of the first mom. She recognized what a useful tool a child's mobile phone can be for a family. The parents and children obviously worked together to create a two-way street of trust regarding its use.

That's why I like Growing Up Online columnist Carolyn Jabs so much. She frequently addresses the issue of trust between parents and children as it relates to technology, and her general attitude is that trust is not a hands-off stance. Knowledge about the technology young people use (or want to use), combined with open communication between parent and child about limits, creates trusting and trustworthy people.

Even though I used to feel in my heart that Emily is too young for a cell phone (what's next--high school? driver's license? voting rights? wait, stop growing up!!) after reading this woman's remark, I'm ready to weigh the pros and cons for our family's situation.

How the Bunny Sold Out

Yes, yes, happy new year, best wishes for 2008 and all that. Can I have some rant time now? Here's the first thing in my email Inbox to boggle my mind in 2008:


"Pat the Bunny" is coming out on DVD in March.




That's "Pat the Bunny" as in probably your first touch-and-feel book ever. And that's "touch-and-feel" as in soft fluffy fuzz and scruffy scratchy stubble. Actual objects affixed to actual pages. Who thought this would be a good idea for a video?





The text of the press release reads, in part: "Baby's first friend, Bunny, is off on a brand new adventure when pat the bunny® playdates™ hops onto DVD for the first time.... "


(Wait a minute. I thought Baby's first friend was her parents.)


"Heralded as the first interactive book ever produced, the pat the bunny touch-and-feel book encourages children to use their senses to explore the world around them. Continuing this tradition, while incorporating new technologies, the pat the bunny playdates DVD is the perfect gift for new caregivers. ...."

(Maybe those "new technologies" make your computer or TV screen feel fluffy?)


"Each of the 4 15-minute playdates on the DVD invite children to 'touch' the world by exploring sounds, tastes, sights and smells. Baby's first friend, Bunny, encourages you to make the most important playdate of all - the one with you!"

...But only after Baby has had her playdate with this DVD, apparently.

Readers of Richmond Parents Monthly might recall that I've groused about electronic media for young children before--for instance, DVDs that are supposed to make your babies smarter. As many educators and parents point out, no matter how good a video is, real life holds something developmentally more appropriate for a young child.

Of course, now we get to the part where I'm supposed to say, "Okay, my children watch TV, but...." And then I'm supposed to come to the happy conclusion that everything is fine in moderation, with the implication that moderation is that only way to go.

Yes. My children, ages 4 and 11, do watch TV and DVDs and play on the computer, and have since they were younger than 2. They get more screen time than I'd like them to have. Such compromises, negotiations and concessions are a part of married life, since my husband and I disagree about the role of electronic media in our lives.

However, I feel compelled to say that it is possible to raise a child without a TV or video player. Such was my childhood experience, which wasn't THAT long ago. (Few parents want to go this route, but hopefully not because they think they can't.) Moderation is not necessary!

In fact, sometimes I think it's moderation that gives us absurdities such as a pat-the-bunny movie, as if we're supposed to think that just because it's not Grand Theft Scooter, it's good for kids.